Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

31 May

Well, quite frankly, I felt we had to do this one. =)

This is essentially about Johnny Depp and Co. begging the general population’s forgiveness for Pirates 2 & 3 and trying to get back to the general awesomeness of Curse of the Black Pearl. 

I’ve forgive you. Awesomeness restored, though? The jury is out. Doubtless there will be another one, and at that point we’ll see if the franchise is back on the mend or in a kind of downward slide that repares itself slightly with the beginning of each trilogy.

But enough about the big picture stuff that keeps Disney execs up at night.

I liked it. My brother didn’t as much, but he went in saying ‘I don’t want to be hurt again!’ and he doesn’t  suspend his belief enough to understand Blackbeard or the mermaids. I did by realizing that it didn’t make sense and letting go of common sense for the sake of an alright movie.

Mostly, Pirates is trying to be like Stardust, where magic just happens and the characters have accepted it and don’t even question it. Everyday, like. But they’re trying too hard. Blackbeard controls ships with a sword? Tons of stories and fear about mermaids and then there’s one in real life and everyone except the Attractive So Therefor Important to the Story missionary?  Not even a little reaction when she (SPOILER SENSOR)?

And that was why I had to go inside my head and manually turn off my knowledge of Physics and LOGIC.

But beyond that stuff, I liked it. Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow was as likable as ever, but surrounded by a plot that makes sense made a big (and good!) difference. I liked Gibbs as usual and I still don’t understand why people like Barbossa so much. Blackbeard was a’ight.

But Penelope Cruz and the mermaid/missionary duo made the movie, no joke. There was the funny/raunchy stuff between Jack and Angelica (“What were you doing in a Spanish convent?!””I mistook it for a brothel. Honest mistake.”)(“Alright, feelings, damn you.”) and the nice little sweetness with Philip (I seriously only remember his name because it’s my brother’s. In my head he’s ‘religious guy who cruses on the mermaid and (SPOILER SENSOR) several times’) and Syrena.

The unsung heroes of the film though, as always, were the various other pirates. You’re dirty and crass but everyone loves you anyway and you make the movie!

Three point five out of five stars.

–Kristine

SPOILERS: (I WARNED YOU!)
1) Not even a little reaction when she sprouts legs?
2) ‘religious dude who crushes on the mermaid and dies several times’

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